Выкладываю очередную порцию фанфиков.
The Only Scar by CielCiel
The Only Scar (by CielCiel)
"Dai…"
I heard his quiet breathing from somewhere near my hip, felt the warmth of his head against the crook of my waist. With some effort I lifted my head to peer at the boy through sleepy eyes.
Dai lay there, huddled against my body as if cold. His face was pressed against the curve where my torso met my hipbone. His slender hands were fisted in my t-shirt, his knuckles white. I felt his lips move against my skin though the cloth, murmuring as he slept.
Slowly, and afraid I would startle him, I pulled myself into a half sitting position, shifting so that he could have his space. However, as soon as I moved, Dai gasped loudly in his sleep and made an odd flopping motion, flinging his arms out wildly. His hands found my shirt again and in seconds he was glued to my side again.
"What are you doing!" he gasped, sounding panicked and angry.
Half of me wanted to comfort him, tell him everything was okay, it was just a dream. The other half was frozen, terrified to the bone. That voice; it sounded like a wild animal that had been cornered. I knew it well. It was the tone that his voice took in our private arguments, whenever I pressured him in some way. It acted as a warning, I suppose. That voice that held so many emotions: panic, confusion, hurt, anger…it was the sound that escaped right before he snapped. The final bark that a wild dog makes before he launches at the enemy in a final bid for freedom, choosing fight instead of flight, choosing to fight to death rather than run away. It fit Dai perfectly.
I knew very well what that side of Dai was like. I had the scars and the bruises to prove it. A sadistic, violent sociopath; completely different from the sleeping boy I watched now.
"Jaehee!"
He was awake now, I knew it. I felt his hands leave my side, and I shut my eyes as fast as I could, waiting for Dai to lose it, attack me, slam my head into the headboard until I bled, or find some other way he could punish me for whatever I did to him in his dream…
Moments past that nothing happened. Cautiously, I opened my eyes to find Dai, his eyes still tightly shut in pained slumber. But although I knew he was asleep, his face was twisted in agony.
"Jaehee…"
I glanced to where his hand covered his stomach. My eyes widened.
It was the scar.
Dai's beautiful, milk-tea colored skin was marked with lighter stripes and patches of scar tissue. They crisscrossed around his torso, up and down his arms. Medals, he once called them. But there was one that I knew he didn't consider an achievement. One that held so many terrible memories, guilt, anger, grief. The one scar, he said, to have hurt more than just his body.
He clutched at it now, muttering my name desperately. I stared on in horror, feeling physically ill. He, Dai, the merciless, fearless, legendary gang-leader Dai…was having a nightmare because of me? Had the incident haunted him so much?
I felt my eyes sting and I reached out to him, cradling his head against my stomach. I doubled over and pressed my forehead against his fair hair, whispering apologies that I knew he would never accept. I rocked back and forth, choking on my words.
Suddenly I felt him tense, and even though I knew he was really awake this time, I didn't let him go.
"What're you doing?" his voice was muffled and heavy with fatigue.
"I'm sorry!" I cried, louder then I intended. He winced at the noise and pushed me away from him, annoyance emanating off of him. He sat up slowly, ran a hand through his hair, and fished a shirt off the floor, slipping it over his head. Then he turned to me.
"For what?" he demanded. His eyes flashed with anger.
Then I realized that Dai had assumed the worst when I apologized. He was barely keeping his anger in check, waiting warily for the news of whatever I had done that required such a desperate sounding apology.
I swallowed. Hesitantly, I slid a hand up his shirt.
"For…this scar," I said quietly brushing the place where I had stabbed him with my finger tips.
At these words, he dropped the hand that he was about to hit me with and looked at me with an expression I could not read. My heart felt chilled.
Without a word, he pushed my hand away and stood, his body casting a shadow that enveloped me. Dai looked down on me silently, expressionless. Then, he turned and walked out of the room, leaving me wide-eyed and shaking.
He would never forgive me. It was I who betrayed him.
"But you can't do it! Why? Because we are one!"
Echoes of Winter by The Bloody Rose
Echoes of Winter (by The Bloody Rose)
Walking across the cold beach with Dai did not seem real. It was as though we had stepped into one of my many dreams that included us together. If I reached out my hand and touched him, he might disappear in a huff of smoke, an effervescent presence, always disappearing when things become too much for him to handle.
"Here." I glanced at him, startled. He threw his jacket over my shoulders, muttering something about the cold weather. I did not say anything back; I did not trust my voice.
Huddling the jacket close around me, I inhaled the scent of cigarettes, leather, and sweat, the scents that hung around Dai in a cloud of misery and apathy. His hair was being played with by the wind, hiding his bruised eyes. Why won't he look at me any more?
"Dai…" I whispered as a sudden desire to hold his hand choked my heart. Would he shake me off with a curse?
Here it was, the defining moment. I reached out for his hand, slowly and then my fingers found his cold ones and I grasped them. I felt him stiffen through his cold fingers, and we stopped walking. I could hear the cries of the seagulls in the background, mournful music to guide us on our journey.
Dai finally faced me, his expression unreadable. I wanted to say that I never want to leave him, but no words would escape my mouth. Our hands were still clutching and I feared then what Dai would do.
But, then, Dai finally smiled and it was as though the sun came up to shine on us on this winter day. It started out hesitant, but it grew stronger at the sight of warmth in my eyes. I wanted to tell him that it would be all right, but that is not the sort one says to him. He wants to take on the world, even though it's too much for him to handle alone.
Before I knew it I was shouldering such loneliness.
It was hard. To be honest,
I really didn't want to be on my own.
Before I knew it, his cold hand reached out to cup my neck before burrowing itself into my hair. We stood there, hands burrowed in each other's hair, cheeks pressed together, breathing in the same air. I could feel the Dai's tension slipping away, falling down to lie in the sand. I never dreamed that it was possible to feel this close to another person. We were so young, yet we felt as old as the ocean and as depthless. We knew that everything that brings happiness has a price. Would we be able to pay it?
As our mouths mingled and our breath steamed in the frostbitten air, we knew that we would.
If there's a freedom to be had in that clear blue sky
I wouldn't care if these wings I'm so proud of were torn off.
I began running, frantically aiming for the sky
I spread my wings and flew away, and the spot where I fell
was 'freedom'.
Fin.
LONG LIVE DAI AND JAEHEE! AND RUKI!
Dai: Oh shut up Ophy.
Me: I'm allowed my obsessions and so are you! So there! sticks out tongue
Dai: sticks out his tongue too
Jaehhe: You guys...there are plenty of Jrockers to go around...sweatdrop